Sunday Project: How to spot an evil person and eventually kick their ass

This text is lame, but took me an hour or so. Why trash when you can easily post it?

–If someone thinks you’re evil, keep reading. There will be always someone more evil than you–

It’s the Age of Info and there are plenty of opinions around, getting you tired to hear them over and over. One of them is the isolation of the modern human. Everyone has to say something about it and there are always plenty of things to put the blame on. A common suspect is always technology, the comfort of modern living and the lack of time, maybe caused by our increased working hours as we struggle to get a grip of our personal small piece of the American dream pizza.

Forget all of that for now.

The main reason we become alone is the increasing number of evil people around us. We cannot bond, trust and love other people because of the insecurity bug, crawling inside, usually born by our first bad experience with an evil one.

Of course the definition of evil should vary, depending on our own unique characteristics, experiences and feelings. Evil should be anyone who, according to your judgement, is not good. Does that sound too arbitrary for a decent reasoning?

There are evil ones among us!

They are everywhere. Trying to bring you down, cut you off, take advantage of and use you, make you their stepping stone and rip you off. They will use your ideas, be better and richer than you, they will get recognition and -why not?- be famous. In any case, you will be constantly eating their dust and you won’t like it at all.

Scan and spot

• First of all trust your instincts. It doesn’t matter if people tell you that judging people is not your thing. It only matters if a person looks evil to you and you only.
• Don’t rush into conclusions. Get to know the person under examination. This will never be achieved within a glance. There are always bored people, not looking so good, or so happy. It doesn’t mean they’re evil.
• Listen and watch. It would be easy if there was some kind of an ISO standards whitepaper on evil people. But guess what: There is not. However, if you get into the scan mode you will be able to extract a great deal of information reading the details. Maybe an evil one cannot stand the eye contact for long, or they will be dominating/manipulating the conversation with strong body language; and this is just amateur stuff.
• Practice and practice. Evil people are not dumb. Most of them can perfectly control their behaviour and use words to their benefit. Some of them might look nice and friendly, or even shy. Remember, it is a skill to manipulate people, so be well prepared and look out for any small details that can betray an evil one.

Found one? Time to kick ass

So, you spotted and evil one. Now what?

First of all, as Elvis said, don’t be cruel. If you are aware of the evil you can easily avoid it. If no harm was done, be peaceful.

Now, if you were unlucky and missed it, you have two options:

• Be grateful for the lesson you’ve learned
• Be grateful and kick some evil ass!

There are plenty of imaginary or real ways to do this (for heaven’s sake don’t kill the guy)

• Get the evil one’s email address and subscribe them to a ton of spam and mailing lists.
• Cut out letters from a newspaper. Spell “You Suck” , “You Die” etc, using paper and glue and send it in an anonymous envelope. Repeat twice and go to sleep.
• Inject dogs (or yours) urine carefully into their milk bottles/coffee/nasal spray (and you can’t get arrested for this, but no, I’m not so sure about that!)
• Take a picture of them and add it to every social network there is on the web. Complete the evil one’s profile with hot and private information too.
• Call banks, insurance companies, book and household gear salesmen stating that you are interested in their services. Give away the evil’s street address and phone number. Be sure they will get to them.
• DON’T call husband/wife asking for them in a sensual voice or order a ton of pizzas to their address. Involving other people makes YOU the evil (apparently this is not true for banks, insurance companies and salesmen!)

This was an imaginary situation post that is supposed to make you feel better.

You can try these at home, but be responsible. Don’t start a fire in your living room or use a handgun without a permit.

Listen: The Libertines – Can’t stand me now.

photo by skeev@deviantart